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Saturday, 21 January 2012

Resolu-shunned

Resolutions. Something I take up in a random moment of madness, try to avoid and slip out of for a week, brag about for another few days and finally, complain about how they were too damn demanding in the first place.

Well, here they are, anyways.

The first and most obvious thing that came to my mind and probably anyone else who's read this space before, is booze.

I drink too much, I've been told by friends, classmates, random people who've read my blog, Twitter followers who I've never met, my ex girlfriend, my parents, my ex girlfriend's friends, that girl I drank with once, my sister, my cousin, my ex girlfriend's cousin, that guy I drank with once, a doctor in an Emergency Room at 3am (though technically, since I'd passed out, this one doesn't count), batch mates from school, my friend's mum, my mum's friend..
Well, you get the point, right?

But how does one resolve to drink less?
Someone suggested I start collecting something, to keep my mind occupied.
I liked the idea so much, you're all welcome to come view my collection of Beer bottle caps, as it continues to grow everyday.

At least I'm happy to say I've succeeded in reducing my binging, I now drink more water than Beer in a week.
(Yes, that's an achievement)

So that resolution, its safe to say, has been discarded faster than tickets to an Uday Chopra movie.

The other resolution, which I've so far kept, was involving studies.

You tell me, what could be worse than having failed five courses by the end of three semesters?
I don't know, how about having failed seven?

So that should give you a certain idea how much attention I pay towards studies.
If not, let's just say the amount of time I study everyday is equal to the amount of screen time Arjun Rampal gives to emotions in his movies.

Which is why I firmly resolved to study at least one subject everyday for two hours, no matter how far away the exams were.

As I mentioned before, I've kept this resolution so far, over the last two weeks and have successfully clocked in just a little over thirty hours studying English.

The third resolution I decided to trap myself with this year, is about my phone.
Everywhere I go, people tell me I'm extremely obsessed with my phone.

Which I firmly disagree with.
There are times and places where I don't use my phone because its just not appropriate to do so.
I may be using it right now to write this, but that's not a big deal, is it?
Wait, just give me a minute while I flush.

So.. where was I?
Okay, so maybe I'm a little attached to my phone.
But just cause I almost got hit by a Nano on a busy intersection while I replied to texts and updated my BBM status doesn't necessarily mean I'm addicted to my phone, right?
Now that I think of it, it would have been highly embarrassing had I really been killed that day. Dying in a car accident where one is hit by a Nano is a death as dignified as being a Britney Spears fan.

My fourth and final resolution took a while for me to come up with.
While writing this post the other day, I required more ideas, so I asked one of my closest friends to tell me some of my most blatant flaws.
"You flirt with EVERYONE", came her immediate response.

Now that's SO NOT TRUE.
I only flirt with people who have boobs. And that does not include man boobs, for those of you who thought that up and sniggered just now.
Also, I have a flirting age bracket which looks something like -
[Boobs Developed . . . . . . MILF]
See that?
Just around 12% of the world's population!
Not at all everyone.

But I do flirt a lot, I guess.
Mostly, its because I'm high and obsessed with my phone simultaneously.
Which results in texts such as 'I want sex. Now give me sex!' being sent to a friend, who then has a hard time convincing her mum how I'm not some kind of sexual predator.
And then there are other cons of flirting too much, like 'It wasn't meant for you' just not working as an explanation when you send the link to a porn video to a second cousin instead of that hot girl you were sexting.

So I'm cutting down on my flirting.
I will now only flirt with four girls a week.
Two really hot ones, a random girl and a fourth one with brains.
God, who am I kidding?
I live in Gurgaon.
Scrap that last one off the list.

I guess that's enough for this year, I already have four more resolutions than I managed to keep in 2011.

So let's drink to that while I burn all my textbooks and flirt with a dozen random girls on BBM!

Oh crap.

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