On Being Single and Other Stuff

DISCLAIMER: I'm awesome. You suck. Read on.


The 14th of February was a very important day for me.
Yes, it was.
One of the most momentous days of my life.
It was.. hold your breath, ladies and gentleman..
* Cue Drumroll *

A HUNDRED days since I've been single!

For those of you who didn't know I was single, its alright, it simply means your existence extends beyond a computer screen.

For those of you who never knew I was even dating, you've obviously not had the privilege of being in my facebook friend list, where you would have probably puked at the constant barrage of mushy, love infused stream of posts from my account, which, I've been told, were more frequent than Poonam Pandey's attempts to shed her clothes in front of the entire nation.

So anyways, In the last three months, a lot of people have come up to me and asked how it feels to be single after such a long time in a relationship.
You can judge how often I've been asked that by the simple fact that I've actually dedicated a blog post to answering that question for them.
Or maybe I wrote this because I have absolutely nothing to do and my life is less eventful than Preity Zinta's Bollywood career.

Well, here goes.

Probably the worst part about the entire breakup was the fact that the relationship had lasted over three and a half years.
This meant all of my friends, my family, most of my extended family, my mum's friends, my dad's friends and basically everyone I've ever come in contact with knew I'd been dating.
Every time I have a conversation with one of these people now, I'm asked about my girlfriend and have to go through the same conversation again and again, which is almost as much fun as listening to an Anu Malik song on repeat 35687542 times.

However, being single isn't all that bad, I can tell you. For the first time in th
ree years, I'm at a stage in life when I can put my hands in my pockets and ACTUALLY come out with money, as compared to before, when all I'd manage to come up with were bills, phone numbers, a watch and cards.
Or as Farhan Akhtar calls it, stuff he lost in the last seven days.

The most horrible thing I've realized over the last three months, is that without a girlfriend, my life is slowly, but surely heading towards extreme boredom.
I'm at a point now where a change in the college canteen menu has the potential to be the highlight of my day.

Something my mum used to complain about all the time was that I never spent enough time with the family cause I was always busy with my girlfriend.
Dear mom, time spent with the family is about as memorable as breaking news on India TV. Its pointless, its a waste of time and NOBODY CARES.
Hah, I kid you.
Family time is actually fun.
Sometimes, the four of us actually look up from our phones to ask questions like- 'Are we there yet?'.

'So now that you're single, you can finally focus properly on your studies, right?' asked a friend the other day.
Are you fucking kidding me? All it means is that I now have to think of a better excuse for failing.
Ah, the joys of being an Engineering student.

The worst part though, undoubtedly, has been the action. Or lack thereof.
Yes, my life now has as much action as a bollywood movie from the seventies.
Which basically means I shake a few flowers in front of my own face and pretend I kissed a girl.

On that sad note, I should probably stop writing any further.

However, I will take the time to wish a belated happy valentines day to all of you who read my blog!
Yes, all three of you!
I hope you were single yesterday, cause if you weren't, fuck you.

PS. I have so little to do in life, that I sat and recalculated the number of days. Apparently, it was ninety seven days, not hundred.
Well, I'm pretty sure I'll still get to hundred before Sachin does, right?