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Tuesday, 8 November 2011

Engineering, BP and Hot Chicks

Disclaimer: I am obviously smarter than you, therefore any part of this article that does not make you laugh is probably just above you.
(LAUGH BITCH, LAUGH!)

So I'm an Engineering student, and like any *Normal* Engineering student, my academic life is in ruins. No offense to all those students who do get good grades, I'm only mocking you cause I'm jealous of you, seeing how I've been unable to master the fine art of stuffing a textbook as big as a Primary School kid's water-bottle down my throat and puking it onto my answer sheets.
So grades, as far as I'm concerned, are more elusive than intellectual jokes in an Akshay Kumar movie.
Now I have found a solution for this, a solution millions of Indian students have also found and swear by. Did someone say tuitions? Close enough. Yes, it does involve throwing away your money just to sit in a corner in a complete daze while the world seems to rush past you.
But no, I was talking about Blender's Pride.
Now BP, as my friends and I call it, has been my most faithful friend for as long as I remember.
Yes, it probably has let me down at times, such as when I passed out, ended up in the Emergency Room of a hospital and almost had a medico-legal case slapped upon me, only to wake up eight hours later, back home, with no memory of the night before. But that was just ONE incident, if you exclude the other three times I've passed out after getting drunk.
So, back to the original topic, college.
I study in ITM University. Its in Gurgaon. Yes, I feel your sympathy already. The college used to be called The 'Institute of Technology and Management' but they changed the name once they received University accreditation (or after a really drunken night at a Sahara Mall club), thereby leaving the 'I' in the name as defunct as a guest on Newshour with Arnab Goswami.
The college isn't that bad really, if you ignore the swarm of 'Jatt Boyz' that descend upon it in their SUVs and their BMWs and its not really that tough studying with all these people, as I've learnt after 1.5 years of studying with them. You might even still catch traces of my original, non-Jaat accent while talking to me.
Computer Science Engineering, I can now say by experience, has absolutely NOTHING to do with Computers for the first two years of college. Subjects like Maths and Physics, which I thought were now a thing of the past, came back to haunt me and make my life more miserable than a critic at a Himesh Reshammiya movie.
Thankfully, the girls in this college aren't like those found in most typical Engineering colleges, there are actually quite a few hot ones (In your face, IIT!).
Just the other day, I saw these two really hot ones, and her face wasn't that bad either.
Unfortunately for every hot girl in my college, there's at least 20 shitugly ones too.
That doesn't really bother me though, as I'm happily in a relationship with my girlfriend for over 3 years now. (Not written under any sort of mental duress, emotional blackmail or while having a conversation about how, if I wrote anything she didn't like, I wouldn't be getting any action for the rest of my life).
But it does make me feel bad for a couple of my friends, like Gibhu Vauba (Name changed, cause I felt like it and cause its my fucking article). The poor guy's been looking for a girlfriend for the last nineteen years, with as much success as Baba Ramdev has had wiping out the 'disease' of homosexuality through Yoga.
That's the thing with Engineering colleges and girlfriends, you either already have one before you get in or you wait till you get out before you get one, kind of like a Delhi nightclub and a bottle of BP at MRP.

Okay so we're back to talk about BP. That's my sign to stop talking and sign off before I end up in the Emergency Room again. Then again, the puking practice should probably help me out when I'm giving my exams.

9 comments:

  1. badhiya h ....
    bt apni class ke baare main kch kehta :P

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  2. ha ha ha..nice one salil...!..:D..everything is so damn true...btw i do feel a lil bad for "Gibhu Vauba"...!lol..:p ;)

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  3. Good stuff man . My personal fav was - 'leaving the 'I' in the name as defunct as a guest on Newshour with Arnab Goswami. ' . Nice.

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  4. @Sagar - Some other time, pakka! ;)
    @Divyanka - Thanks! :D
    @Gaurav - Thanks Topper! ;)
    Its not like I hate Arnab or anything, its just that I'd rather watch a Gay Porno than listen to him talk. *Just Saying*

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  5. salil.... awesome...i am sooo outrageously proud of u :P
    its so totally u talking... the article hardly makes sense :P
    but i loved it. keep writing, and maybe u'll be as "good" as chetan bhagat :/
    practice makes one perfect... in everything :P
    ps: i am being totally chep, but u shud have fucking told me about this new venture of urs.. i am pissed :/ ... next time we meet, get me a flower, and i shall think of forgiving u for this 'gross' mistake :)

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  6. @Akanksha - Thanks for the.. compliments, were they? :P
    And I'm sorry, I totally forgot to tell you! :/
    As for being as good as Chetan Bhagat, I think I surpassed him some time back, to be precise, in 3rd grade, when I wrote that paragraph titled 'If I had a Magic Wand'.

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  7. hahahahhahha OH MY FUCKING GOD. next time i come down.. a bottle of that spirit for us cousin !! and i am a pro vomitter (i dont even know what i just said) xD

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  8. @Palash - That's alright, if you read through my blog carefully enough, you'll realize I don't have much of an idea what I said myself.
    PS. Its not good to be a pro vomiter, not unless you're a model in Fashion Week or stuck watching a Chuck Norris Movie Marathon.

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  9. ^ Friends, this Gibhu Vauba seems like an interesting guy. Go read what he has to say about, well, you can guess it yourself.

    http://speakethonlytrooth.blogspot.com/2011/11/20-years-of-singledom-still-where-i.html

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